Before anything, I am thankful. I have to voice it out that if I didn't make the choice to have my daughter instead of having another abortion ~ I don't know where my life would be. Yes, I said it, I had abortions, because back in the 80's early 90's ~it's what women did because they didn't want to bring in a child into this world for what ever reason, and I am one not to judge. For me I was too young, immature, and mentally unstable because of a traumatizing childhood. I surprise myself because anybody else would have committed suicide, became a hooker, drug addict, or incarcerated or even in the psychiatric ward. I am clearly stating and voicing what others have held bottled up inside.
So I love my daughter, I do, But, I feel that sometimes I should've really thought about things. See I loved her father, he was my first true love at 21. He was the one I wanted to marry and even my wedding rings ~ I designed. They are vividly drawn in my head, imbedded there forever because he will always be the one who broke my heart and left me when I was two months pregnant. I was hurt, I cried so much. I made an appointment at the clinic to abort my pregnancy and as I lay on the table, and they sprayed my inner thighs and vaginal area with that medicated brown disinfectant soap, my entire body lifted up on the table about two inches like someone was levitating me. Needless to say, I told them I couldn't do it and walked out the clinic pregnant, homeless, and lost. I was heart broken, I mean what was I to do.
I survived and with common sense and not afraid to ask for help, I ended up with my first apartment at 22, returned to college and utilized the system to benefit my needs without fraud. I was given an advantage that many others fail to utilize till this day. Being on public assistance is not the end of the road, but you have to take advantage of the opportunity presented so that you can be successful later on down the road. I am the living proof that all things are possible. AND, I can add that I didn't receive any child support in the process of it all. However, my darling daughter whose name translated means Thankful and Grateful is neither of. Instead, she chooses from time to time, to be rude, spiteful, self absorbed and enjoys attempting to live up the Joneses. One thing is that she is trying to spend my money to do so. So, it's official that she is on her own with this. See I worked at a young age, however this one feels that she is entitled to it all because she is an only child. Sadly mistaken, because, I believe if you work hard enough and earn your privileges then you shall be rewarded.
I am tired of her pettiness, her lack of love for me. To keep clear of her, I went back to school and I will be graduating this June 2013. Now that classes and school is completed, I am attending digital photography classes on Saturdays for 8 sessions. Then there is my YouTube channel under Sweejae35 that keeps me going. Plus today, I thought of testing myself to do my makeup simple for work in under 10 minutes. I'm just saying. She doesn't understand that Motherhood is not an easy task and it is a continuous job of which you don't get paid for get any recognition. The recognition you do get is that they stay out of jail, finish school, and become successful people in this crazy world.
What will, I do next ~~~ Well, I am planning to redecorate on a budget and I will keep everyone posted with before and after pictures including getting myself a new computer system. I am looking into an Apple system. Oh yes. With that being, I must go. I am quite tired and need to rest.
I send you all my love and if you feel like venting please leave your comments below and I will reply as soon as possible. We single moms have to stick together. Big Hug to all thank you and a big thank you for letting me vent and share a little something personal about myself.
Friday, April 19, 2013
Friday, April 5, 2013
A YouTube Universe & More
Hello, I know I have been absent But in all fairness I have been focusing on my Public Speaking Skills. Oh yeah, I'm on YouTube everyone! Oh yes. Follow me all at:
http://www.YouTube.com/Sweejae35
In other news, I only have two Saturdays left and then school will be completed. The only thing left is the Gala, Graduation and the President/Deans List Dinner. A-W-E-S-O-M-E! I have to thank all my friends for being patient with me and Sharon V & The Soundview Stitchers for going strong. I miss you ladies so, so much. Yesterday at work instead of doing work I was reading a knitting magazine and YES, I did say a knitting magazine. But WAIT.... I also was reading the Stitchionary in the rear of the magazine including the visual pictures displaying how the stitch is achieved like a M1 (make 1) in the back loop which is an increase. Yep, R.I.F. ~ Reading Is Fundamental.
In the home front, my genius of a daughter decided to jail brake her iphone which is not even six months old and is now nothing but garbage. Let me explain, my child who will be 20 yrs this summer, from what I've observed, loves to live up to the Joneses. I mean, she is worried about how the world views her and world I mean her friends and those who are not. I love fashion too, I love materials too BUT, I love it on the clearance rack any day. I could care less if it's not in season or not in the fashion mags. Life must go on and as long as the clothing fits well, and that I don't look retarded. For the past four months, I have invested in my outer appearance, now I will work on my clothing; one piece at a time... Including my very own knitted pieces. See, this Fall & Winter, I need to sport signature pieces ASAP, and since I love reading the patterns that means I shouldn't look too foolish.
So stay tuned ladies because I will do a few video uploads about my stash, tools, and incomplete projects left on needles as well as some finished pieces. So please everyone: Subscribe, Like, & Comment and vote for my videos at http://www.YouTube.com/Sweejae35 ~_~
Have a great day & weekend!
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